Maverick Traveler

Location Independence, Geo Arbitrage, Individual Freedom

How To Ask A Girl Out Without Asking Her Out

I’m big on indirect game because it’s the smoothest and most effective way of transitioning from an innocent chat to rough and wild sex. I’ve experimented with different tools in my toolbox, but one of my main weapons in the arsenal remains talking and feeling the girl out before making my move. That allows me to get into natural conversational flow from the get-go. It’s been working quite well. In fact, the times where I didn’t succeed were the times where I fumbled the ball by worrying about whether it was the right time to ask the girl for something, like her number or if she wanted to meet later.

There’s a coffee shop I love to frequent here in the old town. One of the waitresses is cute and attentive when it comes to making my drink. After a couple of times of ordering in English, she finally asked me where I’m from. My answer opened the floodgates to more and more conversational topics. With each successive visit, the small talk kept increasing until we began spending a solid ten minutes chatting. She finally mentioned that there’s a cool event going on in the evening. I joked that I’d be interested in coming, but worried her boyfriend or husband would mind. She laughed and said she didn’t have a boyfriend. We ended up going there and having a good time.

During this carefree conversation, I didn’t ruin the vibe by jumping the gun and asking her out. It was implied. There was simply no point in asking her out if we couldn’t have an innocent 5-10 minute conversation. If she’s not engaging me, especially when I help her by feeding her with an array of topics to engage with, then how could she be interested? Would she want to see me on her own time? Would she meet me at the bar and not flake? What do you think? Probably not.

A small innocent chat is always a prerequisite before taking the interaction to the next level. After all, if there’s no chemistry in the line at the coffee shop, and we can’t have an innocent five-minute chat, then what are we going to chat about on the actual date? Women can easily feel chemistry a mile away. No chemistry, no number; no number, no date; no date, no hardcore monkey sex.

I had a similar situation when I was working at a library in Riga, Latvia. One of the girls working in the security would smile when I passed her by. I tested the waters by chatting her up. On the second or third time she began to ask me questions. I knew I was “in” the moment I couldn’t even go to the reading room because she kept talking to me. We talked about what things to do in the city. She told me she enjoyed walking around various parts of the city. One day she ended up inviting me out to a bar that she and her friends were going to. It was a great night—especially after we “lost” her friends.

Most guys are clueless when girls give them such endless signs that they’re into them. That problem is easily solved. If you’re unsure whether the girl is feeling you, ask yourself: if the girl didn’t like me would she talk to me? Would she tell me things about herself? Would she try to ask me questions about myself? All of these questions are easily answered. If the girl didn’t have an ounce of interest, she wouldn’t talk to you. Period. Full stop. No exceptions. I’m a pretty chatty guy, but I know very well when I’m trying to forcefully pry someone in to talking to me. I know when I’m forcing someone to output information when all they want is for you to leave them alone. Overtime, I’ve gotten pretty sensitive to even the most minuscule interest from women.

If there’s even a molecule of interest, she’ll reciprocate to anything you throw at her. As soon as she does, it’s only natural to continue the conversation somewhere else where she’s not serving customers or worrying about getting fired. That’s where you “suggest” to do what she already mentioned earlier such as going to see a band or hitting up her favorite bar. The best way to ask her out is when it’s awkward not to. That is, when both of you are talking about doing the same thing after establishing you have similar interests. After all, she’d hardly be talking about her favorite bar and drinking alcohol with a guy she found downright repulsive.

When I look at my most successful player friends, I see the same patterns. They’re in permanent flirty mode. They shamelessly flirt with the girls they meet. They don’t ask for anything. They chat them up and feel them out. They let the women come to them. Once the conversation crosses a certain minute mark, it’s only natural that the girl is interested and is busily wondering how to ensure they’ll continue the conversation at a later time.

That’s one of the major differences between rookies and serial seducers. Rookies endlessly fantasize and masturbate about asking some girl out like it’s the pinnacle of their lifetime success; serial seducers don’t ask for anything: they simply chat and flirt, letting the interaction naturally carry them and the lucky girl to another venue, like a corner of an intimate bar that serves stiff drinks, and that eventually leads to a cozy apartment not far away.

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  1. The Autistic Gamer

    May 15, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Enjoyed your OP.
    “The best way to ask her out is when it’s awkward not to.”
    If you’re in a committed relationship, this can work against you, so you need an exit that gives you plausible deniability for not asking her out.

  2. Borges de Oliveira

    May 16, 2014 at 11:30 am

    Very good points. The article reminded of Sun Tzu: “Victorious wars win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”

  3. rookies need to analyze social situations like this article does.

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