[Previously: Become A Real Man #1: Real Men Cook, Become A Real Man #2: Real Men Have A Plan]
A good friend of mine complains all the time. He complains about the mundane work his boss makes him do from 9-5 everyday. He complains about the lack of good women in the city he lives in (rightly so since it’s San Francisco). He complaints about not having any real friends that he can trust.
Lately our Skype sessions have always circled back about his ex- best friend who recently moved in with a girl, and is now engaged. Instead of understanding the situation and wishing his friend well, my friend still can’t believe that someone so independent and “cool” has committed to some girl and is no longer hanging out with the “boys” anymore.
He doesn’t understand how could something like that happen and is complaining endlessly about it. Like a patient friend, I sit there and listen, knowing all too well that any advice on my part will go in one ear and out the other.
I long gave up on telling my buddy that it’s time to understand the situation, wish him well in life, and let him do what he wants to do.
I tell him to quit his job, pack up, and move out of the hellhole he’s now and he’ll be much happier, but he just dismisses my words. And continues to bitch and complain.
Real men don’t complain.
Complaining is a larger symptom of the lack of understanding of the situation at hand.
Complaining is a way to pushback something that was exerted on you that you didn’t expect and have no control over.
Complaining is a weak way to deal with a situation that has not gone in your favor.
About 5 years ago, when I was contemplating what to do with my life after getting burned out with my soulless existence, I asked another (much more successful friend, who I never seen complain in my life) what should I do.
His response was simple and straight to the point:
“If you don’t like something, change.”
I took his advice, fixed things that were bothering me (shitty job, shitty city, shitty girls) and have never looked back since.
I now realize that everything I do, I have to take full responsibility for.
I don’t complain about the girl I’m with because I know that it was my decision to be with her, and I can always find another one.
I don’t complain about my friends because I always have the choice to decide who my friends should be in the first place.
I don’t complain about the weather because I realize I can hop on the plane and go somewhere sunny and warm.
I don’t complain about my job because I do something that I’m passionate about like working on this site.
Not complaining is knowing freedom. Freedom to always better any and all situations that life throws your way. Freedom to know that you’re in the driver seat of your own life. You control the destiny and not someone else.
When you don’t have freedom and control, all that’s left to do is complain.
So, if you find yourself complaining, look hard for a root cause and fix it. Because complaining will never remotely solve anything, and real men never complain.
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