Why Do Some Cultures Promote Male Bonding, While Others Encourage Male Shaming

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There are many reasons why I like living in Eastern Europe. It’s cheap. The food is healthy. The people are friendly. The city where I’m now (Kiev) is simply gorgeous and historic.

But there’s more. Above all, as a man, I feel extremely comfortable here. I feel comfortable being myself. For the first time in many years, I’m developing extremely healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with women.

When I’m not working or spending time with amazing women, I’m usually on the mat training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I've written about this addiction often, but that's because of the immense value it adds to my life. While the actual training is great, what’s even better is being in the company of great men, and the bonding, compraderie that goes along with that.

That got me thinking about something that I really like about this part of the world—and something that was desperately lacking during my life in America—male compradore and bonding. Here in Eastern Europe, the women are extremely feminine and men are very masculine. But that isn’t news to any of you; I’ve been talking about this for ages now. What you may not know, however, is there’s a strong demarcation between the things you do with your male friends and the things you do with your woman.

When you hang out with guys, you’re having manly discussions. There’s no politically correct bullshit. Guys tell you exactly how it is. They give you advice when it comes to all kinds of things. They’re on your side. They support and help you. Serious and unfiltered mentoring. No bullshit of any kind.

When you’re spending time with your woman, it’s the complete opposite: you’re being bathed in endless feminine energy. The communication is more emotional instead of logical. There’s endless courting, flirting, seducing. This is regardless if it’s first time you met or someone you’ve been seeing for a while. The feminine energy really knows no bounds. It’s truly a great experience to be constantly seducing and courting a wonderful woman.

Essentially, any interaction that I have here is either strongly masculine or strongly feminine. For instance, I went to get a haircut today. My barber is strongly masculine. He was telling me great places to take a girl out here in Kiev. He told me about the crazy adventures he had traveling in Southeast Asia. How much he loves the hustle. On the other hand, the lady at the reception was strongly feminine. As I was paying for the haircut, she emitted this wonderful feminine energy. Her smile was irresistible. I knew that inviting her out to dinner would be as effortless as signing the credit card receipt.

These two areas that you interact with—the masculine area and the feminine area—are like the proverbial yin-yang. They counterbalance you. They fulfill you. There’s never any confusion what you need to do: you either connect with fellow men or seduce amazing women. Bond or seduce. Nothing else.

The defining factor of a traditional society

This division between the masculine side and feminine side is the defining factor of a truly traditional society. The ability to act either masculine or feminine is treated no less as a religion. These things are as sacred as going to church.

Nobody tries to break you away from it. Women know that you hang out with these guys. They know that when you talk to other guys, you’re probably talking about women. They know there’s masculine bonding going on. They’re perfectly fine with it. And they stay out of it. They don’t shame you. They don’t belittle you for joining some “male clique” when you’re spending time with your men. They don’t try to convince to stop hanging out with your crew and spend more time with them. They understand you for it. They respect for it. In fact, they would be confused if you didn’t have a serious crew of men to spend time with. They might think there’s something wrong with you.

This is what living in a traditional society is like. Masculine men. Feminine women. No one is trying to cross the lines. Everyone is super comfortable where they are. Nobody even knows what “masculinity” or “femininity” really is. Kind of like asking a typical Brazilian guy why he has such great seduction skills. He wouldn’t be able to explain it himself.

Living in a society that has such a strong masculine and feminine polarity has changed how I look at the world in a million ways. It's making me a better, more capable and more masculine and clear-headed man. And it also allowed me to connect with women in amazingly new ways that I couldn’t connect before. I can act like a seducer with my woman. And act like a red blooded masculine man when I’m spending time with my crew.

No bonding in the West

This sacred demarcation between all things masculine and all things feminine doesn’t exist in the West. Bonding with other men is difficult to impossible. First, male bonding is looked down upon by society. You’re considered “weak” for going to other men for advice and mentoring.

Second, even if you try bonding with other men, you’ll quickly discover that it’s a fruitless endeavor. Mostly because you’re surrounded by guys who’re too politically correct. Politically correctness has diluted their masculinity to almost nothing. These men lack any edge whatsoever. They lack a backbone. They lack direction and decisiveness. On top of that, you don’t even know which of your male friends you can really trust: there are lots of “men” who're white knights in disguise and are ready to bash and shame you if they deem your behavior “too masculine.” All of this makes connecting with other men a fruitless endeavor.

Then there are the women who’ve crossed this sacred demarcation line and interfere in your masculine affairs. They shame and belittle you for trying to bond with other guys. They call you names and make fun of you. Sigmund Freud would probably say it’s a case of penis envy. I would agree.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why that is. Why isn’t feminine and masculine behavior enforced on some natural  level by culture and society? Why is there constant meddling from both sides? Why can’t men bond with other men in a healthy and productive way and women be comfortable with their femininity?

One reason is because of the politically correct mentality and culture in the Western countries. Western culture itself is synonymous with political correctness. This culture affects both men and women. It “saps” both men and women of their natural masculinity and femininity, respectively, and, instead of making them stronger, it groups them together as a result of not feeling comfortable in their predefined roles. Men become more feminine and turn into white knights; women become more masculine and turn into ball-busters (which is why negs and teases work so well on them). And, you, a normal, clear-thinking man, who just wants to live a normal life and date normal feminine women, is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Instead of men uniting together and helping each other, they’re divided and pitted against each other. It creates extreme behavior where men begin picking on other men. Men shame other men from all sides. The “white knights” bash men who advice others to “fuck women” because they’re being too aggressive; while other men claim that the only reason guys travel abroad is because they’re losers and can’t get laid at home. Then there’s all kinds of shaming in between: black men for dating white (overweight or not ) women. Asian guys who date white girls. You get the picture.

The ultimate purpose is to weaken society using the old “divide and conquer” method.

This kind of behavior simply doesn’t exist in non-Western countries. There’s almost no man-to-man shaming of any kind. For instance, in Brazil, one of my good Brazilian friends only chased foreign women. Can you imagine other Brazilian guys shaming their fellow countryman because he prefers to chase foreign women? As someone who had lived in Brazil for some time, I can tell you that something like this would be completely unheard of. It would be pure nonsense. Stupid and mindless hate. In fact, it’s probably completely unheard of for other men to shame men in Latin America, Eastern Europe, Southern Europe, etc.

Living in a society with a clear demarcation between bonding with other men and spending time with beautiful women is truly a rewarding experience. There’s absolutely nothing like it. It allows you once and for all to stop debating the arbitrary meanings of masculinity and femininity and grow as a man by creating your own wealth and building your own empire.

But you can't do that in a society where even two men can't agree on something trivial and support each other. You can't do that in a society where a woman feels shamed for being feminine.

There can be functioning society until a clear demarcation line is drawn between what's truly masculine and what's truly feminine. There needs to be one or the other—not some grey and muddy area that seems confusing from a distance and gets more and more confusing as you try to understand it up close.

PS: My new book on meeting and seducing women in the wild will be out next week. It’s a book I started three years ago and contains all my knowledge about meeting women throughout the years. I take a unique and different approach. It’s an instructional manual, not a memoir. Early reviewers think it’s better than my previous books. I’ll let you decide.

16 comments

Laguna Beach Fogey February 5, 2016 - 12:06 pm

Excellent. Thanks for this.

I think a lot of it is a function of simply being in America. It’s like an insane asylum here. (Only people who’ve spent any time abroad know what I’m talking about).

I’ve been thinking about getting the hell out of here for a while. Eastern Europe sounds promising.

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david February 5, 2016 - 12:29 pm

This is perfect. I’ve been discussing this issue of men in the US not having solid male relationships. It’s especially prevalent here in southern California. Even male friends whom I’ve known for 5 years will randomly no-show, ignore me for months at a time unexplained, or gossip about me. Crazy. What does that leave a man to do for his support? Look to females?

Myself and many men say we have more female friends than male friends. Every single girl I know says she has more male friends than female friends. It sounds cute, but all that means in my opinion is the majority of our friendships are probably fake and surfacy. There’s no one in any of our lives that we are completely open with. It just adds to the isolation and loneliness of our country.

I just finished “The paradox of choice.” Great book. I think most of us can’t “settle” on close friends because we always think we’ll meet somebody cooler or more successful. Same thing with relationships in general.

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flirting February 5, 2016 - 8:07 pm

I’ve noticed how men in America don’t dance together like men from Europe do. And if a bunch of guys visiting from Europe are dancing together on the dancefloor the american guys stand around and kind of snicker, maybe call them fags.

Meanwhile the visiting guys are having GENUINE FUN, and attracting all the women at the same time. It’s weird that the only time a guy will get on the dance floor here is if he thinks it’s going to get him somewhere with a woman.

Black guys dance together a little, but white guys almost never. I have to call up my female friends if I want to get on a dancefloor. It’s bizzare. I’d much rather be out dancing with my boys giving off a masculine energy, than be out dancing with the girls and be sucked in to their feminine energy.

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david February 6, 2016 - 9:54 pm

Youre absolutely right. I was at a club downtown a few weeks ago. My buddies split up and sat silently at opposite ends of the bar. I was on the floor looking like a dude who goes out by himself.

Meanwhile, a huge group of asian dudes were dancing in a circle. The music was awful hard gangster rap as usual, but they were still having a blast. Eventually a bunch of chicks joined them. The average height of these fellas was about 5’4 lol. If my friends stuck together like that, we’d crush. Instead, we are divided and conquered!

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Josh Bar February 8, 2016 - 2:39 am

Another great post Maverick

Is there any way to reverse the process?

What are are we supposed to do run for Kiev and Brazil?

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Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com] February 5, 2016 - 9:14 pm

Great post as usual man, nailed it.

It’s funny because when I was home over Christmas I had a discussion with my mom, and she made a remark, “Wow, you’ve sure made a lot of friends on the internet.”

And I realized that yes, I have – because it’s the easiest place by far to find like minded men. Otherwise you’re just hoping for luck, really.

I’ve met dozens of guys who have read my blog over the years, and with the exception of 1, all of them have been cool as hell. In fact, I’d say that probably 80% of my friends that I have constant contact these days are guys that are either fellow bloggers or longtime readers of my own.

Forget finding real masculine friends in an office job. You have a better shot at winning the lottery.

I’ll just say that my one way ticket to EE on March 28th can’t come soon enough.

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Timo Fischer February 6, 2016 - 3:32 am

Outstanding post. Just look at the Roosh meetup the West doesn’t want that Men get together there was more outrage because of that Event than the rapefest in Cologne.

Especially in this day and age it’s a must to find like-minded men and get together. Social Media plays a big role, I found so many great people through Twitter and I’m really looking forward to meet all of them in the future. Again great post!

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Scott February 6, 2016 - 1:46 pm

True. I bond better overseas with both men and women. Its sad how bad things are socially for most American men in the USA. Thats why I want to leave. Hell even western Europe may be better well except now the whole refugee mess not great.

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Joe Richards February 8, 2016 - 4:55 pm

Everyone has the ability to work to change this. Be honest in your speech, and don’t be afraid to say what is true.

Beyond that, make some male friends and start your own group. Do whatever you like with the group. Motorbiking, gaming, hiking, sailing whatever. Make a group of friends. Help them out on problems and do stuff together. It’s best if you do things every week.

Get out there and make some friends and then do something about the problem.

See my post on the game of life.

https://wisdomdistillery.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/game-of-life-part-i/

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Valeria February 12, 2016 - 10:45 am

Reading this I could almost forget that half the population lives in extreme poverty, alcoholism and domestic abuse are common occurrences and the lack of political correctness means that you can confess to gay or gypsy bashing and your friends are gonna congratulate you for it. Or am I wrong?

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Yana July 28, 2016 - 5:06 pm

The demarcation of the femininity/masculinity in USA is one of the cultural shocks that I have been trying to cope with since I started living here. 7 years later I am still confused about it, and I had to change my behaviour because the femininity is perceived as backwardness…

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Jawaher October 8, 2016 - 3:33 pm

Nothing can ever equal a natural, harmonious way of living. it’s all in us. Salute.

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Emilie November 6, 2016 - 10:17 am

Your message is nice, I guess- taking your life into your own hands, jumping into new environments, etc. But then, you ruin it all with your backwards-ass attitudes toward gender roles and women and leave people like me burning with rage.

Sure, it’s “traditional”, I’ll give you that. But what these “predefined roles” really are is polarizing and stifling. No one is completely masculine or feminine, you need both to be a well-rounded human. Just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s worth keeping (i.e: slavey, xenophobia). I’d like to think that we, as humans, are capable of evolving beyond stagnant gender roles, and toward men and women (and everyone in between) who are both strong and caring.

With that said, I agree completely that men should have healthier relationships than they do- but not in the way you mean. As typical of a heterosexual white male, you tend to focus solely on yourself and others like you.

All men, not just the stereotypical ones, should build each other up instead of bringing each other down, regardless of varying levels of “masculine” interests. We, as a society, need to put far more emphasis on healthy and supportive friendships among men, and also among women.

But your focus on “manly discussions” is almost laughable, and sets yourself back centuries. It’s like you’ve time-traveled here from the 1700s when the notion of men and women discussing a similar topic was unheard of.

It’s no wonder you’re thirty or forty-something and haven’t settled down with anyone yet when you only think of women as prizes to be won through flirting/courting. I, for one, have no clue what woman in her right mind would put up with being “courted” by you. You’re a new brand of buffoonish alpha male that fails to realize that alphas and omegas are best left in the animal kingdom.

Above all, we need to think of potential partners as people of equal value and intelligence to ourselves. That should go without saying, but it will probably fall on deaf ears to you. “Bond or seduce?” Seriously? Only other men are worthy of bonding with for you, and women are only things for you to seduce? Wow, what a gem we have here.

That bond or seduce thing is so flawed. What about bisexual or gay men, huh? What about women that you’re just good friends with? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

It’s funny how black and white you think gender roles are. All of that is immensely subjective. You know how the fearsome and brave Scottish army have always worn kilts, and Egypt was ruled successfully by a female king for a long time? Point is, there has always been and will always be crossover between masculine and feminine and that is completely natural and healthy. What isn’t natural or healthy is dividing society so very much.

If you’re annoyed by “politically correct men” chances are you’re the asshole that makes rape jokes and bashes other men for watching chick flicks. I’m sure politically correct men are just as sick of you.

You don’t want women interfering in your masculine affairs? God, that’s obnoxious.

I’m going to stop there, before I develop blood pressure-related problems. I think I’ve said my peace.

You’re just a whiny little rich boy disillusioned with your humdrum life in America. The way you go on about being such an expert and proceed to traipse all across the globe without taking any cultural awareness or genuine betterment with you- that’s annoying as all hell when many far more deserving people don’t have the kinda of privileges you have.

So call me a feminazi if you want, by all means, compare my terrifying use of logic and desire for equality to the mass homicide of millions. But I hold out hope that a little part of what I said works it’s way into someone’s mind and makes them think twice.

Or at least I hope that hearing some truth makes you mad :)))

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Ernest March 16, 2017 - 2:24 pm

I would rather do some bonding with beautiful women instead. Being close to another male is weird to me. When I was a boy, I had guy friends. But, now that I am an adult, it is different. If I am going to have a male friend, I cannot spend more time with him as I do with a woman. God had created women for connection with men, not men for connection with other men.

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bob May 10, 2017 - 9:30 pm

Your comment about god creating males for the purpose of bonding with females is strongly biased with religious bigotry. Male to male bonding was once as American as apple pie. But it became unpopular in recent times due to homophobia in the male population. Most American guys are fearful of being thought of as “gay”. Simple.

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Jonyx September 21, 2019 - 2:08 pm

I wish as an American man that men would bond more in America. I have tried to with other guys and it’s been like picking up sand and trying to hold it in your hand. I did not grow up with any brothers, was not close to my dad who spent most of his time away in work related travel, was shunned by my male counterparts and as a PERSONAL PREFERENCE and for spiritual reasons, I do not wish to crossover into the alternative lifestyle to get affection from my own gender. It should not be a binary situation. No disrespect meant to the LGBT community and God’s love be extended to them, but I do think from pressures I have experienced that some men do go down the same sex orientation path because they are looking for acceptance, validation and genuine brotherly love from other males and never got it. I also don’t think that men who are not masculine should be excluded from bonding with those of us who are masculine. I think bonding will help heal us all in some ways. America!! It’s interesting that women don’t have a problem bonding. And look at how they are advancing!!! Bonding in one group should not be at another group’s expense and that goes both ways. What a trick bag this place has been in instances for those of us who want true friendship, meaning and relationship in life without judgment. America. What a land of the free you are and why do I feel so relationally and socially caged. Thank you Lord for your love and acceptance unconditionally through your son Jesus Christ.

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