Why Do Some Cultures Promote Male Bonding, While Others Encourage Male Shaming


There are many reasons why I like living in Eastern Europe. It’s cheap. The food is healthy. The people are friendly. The city where I’m now (Kiev) is simply gorgeous and historic.

But there’s more. Above all, as a man, I feel extremely comfortable here. I feel comfortable being myself. For the first time in many years, I’m developing extremely healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with women.

When I’m not working or spending time with amazing women, I’m usually on the mat training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I've written about this addiction often, but that's because of the immense value it adds to my life. While the actual training is great, what’s even better is being in the company of great men, and the bonding, compraderie that goes along with that.

That got me thinking about something that I really like about this part of the world—and something that was desperately lacking during my life in America—male compradore and bonding. Here in Eastern Europe, the women are extremely feminine and men are very masculine. But that isn’t news to any of you; I’ve been talking about this for ages now. What you may not know, however, is there’s a strong demarcation between the things you do with your male friends and the things you do with your woman.

When you hang out with guys, you’re having manly discussions. There’s no politically correct bullshit. Guys tell you exactly how it is. They give you advice when it comes to all kinds of things. They’re on your side. They support and help you. Serious and unfiltered mentoring. No bullshit of any kind.

When you’re spending time with your woman, it’s the complete opposite: you’re being bathed in endless feminine energy. The communication is more emotional instead of logical. There’s endless courting, flirting, seducing. This is regardless if it’s first time you met or someone you’ve been seeing for a while. The feminine energy really knows no bounds. It’s truly a great experience to be constantly seducing and courting a wonderful woman.

Essentially, any interaction that I have here is either strongly masculine or strongly feminine. For instance, I went to get a haircut today. My barber is strongly masculine. He was telling me great places to take a girl out here in Kiev. He told me about the crazy adventures he had traveling in Southeast Asia. How much he loves the hustle. On the other hand, the lady at the reception was strongly feminine. As I was paying for the haircut, she emitted this wonderful feminine energy. Her smile was irresistible. I knew that inviting her out to dinner would be as effortless as signing the credit card receipt.

These two areas that you interact with—the masculine area and the feminine area—are like the proverbial yin-yang. They counterbalance you. They fulfill you. There’s never any confusion what you need to do: you either connect with fellow men or seduce amazing women. Bond or seduce. Nothing else.

The defining factor of a traditional society

This division between the masculine side and feminine side is the defining factor of a truly traditional society. The ability to act either masculine or feminine is treated no less as a religion. These things are as sacred as going to church.

Nobody tries to break you away from it. Women know that you hang out with these guys. They know that when you talk to other guys, you’re probably talking about women. They know there’s masculine bonding going on. They’re perfectly fine with it. And they stay out of it. They don’t shame you. They don’t belittle you for joining some “male clique” when you’re spending time with your men. They don’t try to convince to stop hanging out with your crew and spend more time with them. They understand you for it. They respect for it. In fact, they would be confused if you didn’t have a serious crew of men to spend time with. They might think there’s something wrong with you.

This is what living in a traditional society is like. Masculine men. Feminine women. No one is trying to cross the lines. Everyone is super comfortable where they are. Nobody even knows what “masculinity” or “femininity” really is. Kind of like asking a typical Brazilian guy why he has such great seduction skills. He wouldn’t be able to explain it himself.

Living in a society that has such a strong masculine and feminine polarity has changed how I look at the world in a million ways. It's making me a better, more capable and more masculine and clear-headed man. And it also allowed me to connect with women in amazingly new ways that I couldn’t connect before. I can act like a seducer with my woman. And act like a red blooded masculine man when I’m spending time with my crew.

No bonding in the West

This sacred demarcation between all things masculine and all things feminine doesn’t exist in the West. Bonding with other men is difficult to impossible. First, male bonding is looked down upon by society. You’re considered “weak” for going to other men for advice and mentoring.

Second, even if you try bonding with other men, you’ll quickly discover that it’s a fruitless endeavor. Mostly because you’re surrounded by guys who’re too politically correct. Politically correctness has diluted their masculinity to almost nothing. These men lack any edge whatsoever. They lack a backbone. They lack direction and decisiveness. On top of that, you don’t even know which of your male friends you can really trust: there are lots of “men” who're white knights in disguise and are ready to bash and shame you if they deem your behavior “too masculine.” All of this makes connecting with other men a fruitless endeavor.

Then there are the women who’ve crossed this sacred demarcation line and interfere in your masculine affairs. They shame and belittle you for trying to bond with other guys. They call you names and make fun of you. Sigmund Freud would probably say it’s a case of penis envy. I would agree.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why that is. Why isn’t feminine and masculine behavior enforced on some natural  level by culture and society? Why is there constant meddling from both sides? Why can’t men bond with other men in a healthy and productive way and women be comfortable with their femininity?

One reason is because of the politically correct mentality and culture in the Western countries. Western culture itself is synonymous with political correctness. This culture affects both men and women. It “saps” both men and women of their natural masculinity and femininity, respectively, and, instead of making them stronger, it groups them together as a result of not feeling comfortable in their predefined roles. Men become more feminine and turn into white knights; women become more masculine and turn into ball-busters (which is why negs and teases work so well on them). And, you, a normal, clear-thinking man, who just wants to live a normal life and date normal feminine women, is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Instead of men uniting together and helping each other, they’re divided and pitted against each other. It creates extreme behavior where men begin picking on other men. Men shame other men from all sides. The “white knights” bash men who advice others to “fuck women” because they’re being too aggressive; while other men claim that the only reason guys travel abroad is because they’re losers and can’t get laid at home. Then there’s all kinds of shaming in between: black men for dating white (overweight or not ) women. Asian guys who date white girls. You get the picture.

The ultimate purpose is to weaken society using the old “divide and conquer” method.

This kind of behavior simply doesn’t exist in non-Western countries. There’s almost no man-to-man shaming of any kind. For instance, in Brazil, one of my good Brazilian friends only chased foreign women. Can you imagine other Brazilian guys shaming their fellow countryman because he prefers to chase foreign women? As someone who had lived in Brazil for some time, I can tell you that something like this would be completely unheard of. It would be pure nonsense. Stupid and mindless hate. In fact, it’s probably completely unheard of for other men to shame men in Latin America, Eastern Europe, Southern Europe, etc.

Living in a society with a clear demarcation between bonding with other men and spending time with beautiful women is truly a rewarding experience. There’s absolutely nothing like it. It allows you once and for all to stop debating the arbitrary meanings of masculinity and femininity and grow as a man by creating your own wealth and building your own empire.

But you can't do that in a society where even two men can't agree on something trivial and support each other. You can't do that in a society where a woman feels shamed for being feminine.

There can be functioning society until a clear demarcation line is drawn between what's truly masculine and what's truly feminine. There needs to be one or the other—not some grey and muddy area that seems confusing from a distance and gets more and more confusing as you try to understand it up close.

PS: My new book on meeting and seducing women in the wild will be out next week. It’s a book I started three years ago and contains all my knowledge about meeting women throughout the years. I take a unique and different approach. It’s an instructional manual, not a memoir. Early reviewers think it’s better than my previous books. I’ll let you decide.

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