Maverick Traveler

Location Independence, Geo Arbitrage, Individual Freedom

Too Much Freedom Is A Curse For The Modern Man

For most of my adult life, I viewed arranged marriages as nothing more than a crude violation of a man’s sovereign rights. Why should a man marry a woman that his parents chose? What if she’s not his type and he wants someone else? What if he already has a serious Western girlfriend? For a Westerner like me, these kinds of arrangements always seemed strange and bizarre.

Lately, however, I’ve been gradually realizing that any blessing can quickly become a curse. Even the so-called “abundance mentality” is slowly beginning to rear its ugly head.

After I quit my job and moved to Latin America, I lost touch with all my former coworkers and acquaintances, except for a few close friends. A couple of weeks ago, after more than seven years of being out of touch, I finally logged into my old account and the first picture that popped up on my feed was my friend standing next to a woman and two children. He was a bachelor no more.

Here was someone whom I thought would be a bachelor forever. I could never picture him ever abandoning his carefree lifestyle and ever settling down. But I guess I was wrong. Now he was a family man. A wife. Two kids. Even a home. And lots of responsibilities that went along with it. He was no longer some kid who got drunk on weekends; he was now a grown up man.

Like the rest of my former Indian co-workers, he met his wife via an arranged marriage; he took a trip to India and was introduced to several women, chose one he liked best and then flew back to marry and bring his new bride to live with him in America.

The Perils of Too Much Freedom

When you’re living in a society without any restrictions on how relationships are formed, where people are eternally “independent,” it’s too tempting to keep going; it’s too tempting to keep approaching; it’s too tempting to sleep with a new girl every day.

After all, why stop? Approaching feels good. Seducing a feels good. Sex feels great. Why stop doing things that feel so good? Why put much effort into the relationship itself? Why try to develop something long-lasting with anyone? If things don’t work out with one girl, there’s always another one around the corner. Thanks to the “abundance mindset,” there’s little motivation to build anything substantial with a specific person.

No one is forcing me to settle down with a certain woman. No one is telling me to build a family (my mom hints this from time to time, but I don’t really listen to her). No one is telling me to sacrifice my short term gratification for my long term success. I’m living my life like there’s no tomorrow and loving every minute of it. And no one is rebuking me for it.

And sometimes I wish someone did.

While I previously viewed arranged marriages as a societal control that violate a man’s sovereign right to live his life on his own terms, I’m slowly beginning to see the positive side of such control. These types of control didn’t arise out of nowhere: their purpose was to protect a man from himself.

When something as important as a marriage is meticulously arranged, it facilitates the proper environment for a man to find a wife, build a family, and focus on working and providing for that family instead of trying to find a mate himself; we all perfectly know what a treacherous and nightmarish—almost futile—process that is in the West. It’s really a necessary evil to enforce some structure into otherwise loose and disconnected culture.

Having your mate preselected by your family comes with numerous key benefits. Your future wife is prescreened to have good economic status. Not only that, but she’s also prescreened to be healthy, both physically and psychologically. All this goes a long way to ensure that the future couple will stay together and raise a healthy family.

While formal arranged marriages are mainly limited to South Asia, other cultures tackle this problem on an “informal level.” In more traditional Southern European and Jewish cultures, it’s common for the parents to select a viable partner for their children by consulting with other families who are in a similar position. I believe Arabic countries do this well.

A couple of my good “traditional” Eastern European friends (“traditional” because they were born in Eastern Europe and moved there after the age of 15 and still have the Eastern European mentality) met their future wives via family connections. One good friend in particular is a ruthless businessman who’s doing exceptionally well. His wife also comes from a very good family. Her father and mother are still together. They’re both doing very well financially. Come to think of it, I really wouldn’t expect anything less from my friend.

Marriage is serious business and being merely infatuated with a woman just isn’t enough. Love isn’t enough. There needs to be genuine compatibility on many levels. That’s where a woman’s background, personality, interests and even socioeconomic status come into play. Just having the woman come from a complete household where the mother and father have good relationship goes a long way to facilitate that.

All of this is changing. As countries are becoming more Westernized, these types of marriage arrangements—both formal and informal—are gradually being phased out in favor of “doing it yourself.” Indians who are born and grow up in the West are behaving just like any other Westerner; they’re choosing to date and marry women they want instead of letting their parents choose for them.

The Antidote To The Western Society

Western society is very unique in a sense that it’s very mobile, but that’s also what gives it a “disconnected” feel. The family unit gets broken up very early when children leave their homes at 18 to go to college. While growing up, they choose to focus on their careers and satisfy their sexual urges with short-term flings, deferring marriage for later years or not marrying at all.

And, if they do marry—that’s a huge “if”—there’s a very high chance that the marriage will end up as a divorce; divorce rate is close to 50%. Families break down and their children suffer for it. Future generations of men end up being raised by their mothers and, therefore, lack a strong male role model. This ensures the cycle repeating itself in the next generation.

When you break down the family unit, you no longer have a proper role model that can serve as a guide on what you should do. You no longer have a healthy authority. And without a healthy authority, all you’re left is with media and your raging emotions. Advertising companies understand this perfectly which is why billions and billions of dollars are spent on manipulating us into doing or buying something because it’ll make us feel good and not provide us with tangible benefit.

We think we’re conscious individuals who make rational decisions, but in reality we’re closer to atoms floating in space, eternally chasing the next great thing that makes us feel good. Perhaps on some subconscious level, men understand this and that’s why they’re running away from the West in search for something new and meaningful.

We are so free to do pretty much anything: to travel, to build online businesses, to make new acquaintances and to have one-night stands. If we screw up, we can do it again; we can start a business, fail, declare bankruptcy and start fresh tomorrow. We can always reinvent ourselves and become someone new tomorrow.

While that has many benefits, it also absolves us of key responsibilities. There’s little permanency. There’s little structure. Depending on how you look it, it’s both a blessing and a curse.

An arranged marriage is a type of societal control. Like religion, it’s a way to manage society’s irrational impulses, sexual drives and urges. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. These forms of control are responsible for keeping whole civilizations intact by preventing people from savagely killing each other. People are mainly driven by their subconscious—they do what feels good and then rationalize it using logic later. After all, someone has to do it. It can either be done via religion or tradition, or by multinational corporations (via advertising).

I’m not claiming that a Western man would necessarily be better off if a marriage was arranged for him; there’s a lot of freedom in being able to choose your destiny and decide how you want to structure your life without anyone else getting in the way.

But if there’s one thing that history taught us is that societies only survive and thrive when there’s a good balance of freedom and control. Too much control and society descends into totalitarianism, stifling freedoms of expression and speech; too much freedom and we become increasingly selfish and ego-driven, always eager to satisfy our primitive reptilian urges instead of being part of and building something greater and more meaningful than ourselves.

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  1. Very thought-provoking article. I know you aren’t for arranged marriages, but I do get the point you’re trying to make.

  2. Solid piece, Mav. I totally agree with your conclusion.

  3. I’ve been thinking similarly lately. I come from Mexico, it is a very complicated society in many levels because of the different social classes (like in India) a mix of Westernalization vibes coming from the USA and also some very traditional strong catholic roots so you can find anything.

    I lived in the USA for 2 years, my impression of women there is to simply stay away.

    Now I’m living in Czech Republic, full of beautiful women but I’ve come to realize that Mexican women are better. My complaint is that there were very few choices as there was a low percentage of good looking white girls the way I like, most were taken and so many were catholic virgins, all of this seemed like a downer but now I’m beginning to appreciate it:

    I no longer date Czech women or even women in general, I feel burned out but most importantly it is horrible to realize that these Czech women for some unknown reason are so frustrated and soulless. And there are two main type of datable women here: good looking next-door introverts and really hot ones. The introverts are looking to meet foreign men, are easy to meet and date but then you realize they have so many frustrations and traumas that some of them are even virgins out of their own complexes. And then you have the really hot ones which are not so spoiled or self-entitled like American women but that basically fuck with every jerk they can find. Both of these types are impossible for a long term relationship or even for emotional support.

    It seems like the cause of their frustration is that they don’t know what to do with their lives: they are no longer religious so church, marriage and kids are not priorities, they’re also encouraged to be independent and work on their careers so they don’t really need a man and they can have sex with whomever they want so they’re not loyal.
    But in the end they’re so unhappy, why?

    Because women are naturally a passive force. This world is full of polarities, in the past, women were encourage to remain passive according to their own nature and stay at home and raise kids and be supportive for their husbands but now they’re encouraged to pretty much me men. So they naturally don’t know what to do and they’re unhappy.

    Traditional societies like a big percentage of the Mexican society, Indian or whatever will have women with more traditional passive roles but simply happier.

    Maybe that’s why the world is turning towards Poland and Ukraine? Big percentages of good looking white women with passive traditional roles?

    I don’t know, but all in all I can swear that my motivation to date or even have sex again is really gone but since I’m working on my own self-development this is a good thing as I’m now happy with myself, but yes, the world is going to hell.

    • Hey avillax,

      That’s a great comment. It’s interesting hearing about your experiences in Czech republic. Keep them coming.

      • I have mature now, a few minutes ago I just turned 33, so there’s no more exciting about going to clubs, get drunk and fuck a girl I will never see again with mediocre drunken sex. Believe it or not, I’ve tried to have something with one night stands just to find out I was a fool to believe a one night stand could be anything else than a one night stand. What I want is to have a deep connection with somebody. I’ve been chasing unicorns so I have given up for good now and it actually feels great.

        Going back to Czech girls: I was very excited at the beginning because they are among the prettiest girls in Europe and they are feminine and I was also getting a lot of dates but for the rest they’re completely westernized: Completely independent, pursuing a career, cock carousel, don’t really need a man, and very unhappy and frustrated.

        The only PLUS they have over American girls is that first of all American girls are crazy, have unrealistic expectations, and they’re so protected by the government to make sure they take all the money from you if divorce happens. Czech girls don’t have that, even the average divorce pays something like $50 a month on alimony so Czech girls don’t even bother asking for it and get back to work immediately as anyone should. English-speaking countries create monsters out of women.

        But the saddest thing in the world would be to chase another human being that has absolutely no idea of what to do with her life, as I mentioned. Somebody like that can’t provide loyalty, can’t provide support, can’t provide love.
        I’ve had Czech women flirting with me on facebook, having boyfriends and sometimes all they wanted was just attention. Imagine how sad it is to be in your late 20s and still look for attention? Still willing to cheat on your partner because you can and because you have no fucking idea of what you want? That’s the current state of the world we live in.

        I’ve also met so many American men who have never been able to have at least one love relationship in their lives, and to come here and struggle to meet women. I have a friend who’s not only in the seduction community but he actually writes books about seduction and the only girlfriend he ever had was a Thai single mom in Thailand. Why the fuck would somebody even want to keep trying like that? I’m 5’10, Athletic, good looking but not a big guy, I have used seduction community shit which has helped me a lot and I’ve had results but in the end it’s not worth to do all the effort to get these women at age 33. I have a friend who is 6’2, big and good looking though Im better looking, he’s a jerk in a sense and he gets the pussy easily anywhere but these pussies are the one every average guy is trying to figure out how to marry, not knowing that these women will instinctively and mindlessly fuck any tall meaty guy. Why would you marry someone like that? Good girls don’t exist, it’s all marketing, it’s one of the most profitable industries in the world, women are the selectors and they select wrong and they’re so unhappy but we can’t fix that, moving to Ukraine, to Poland? really move out just for a pussy? It’s absolutely worthless, it’s better to just teach to meditate and be happy on your own and that’s the truth.

        • One question about Czech girls: do they care about looks and money as much as American girls? Is their lookism against men just as bad? How much do looks and height matter when finding a girl in Czech Republic?

          • Czech girls absolutely don’t care about men’s looks and money is not important since everyone in these countries are pretty much socialists so they’re not used to seeing people with money, but what they do care about a lot is for men to be tall and aggressive looking and in Czech Republic people are really tall, I’m 5’10 and athletic but not big so I’m below the average over and don’t get much luck. 70% of women there want this and they are confident and “normal” women and so they also tend to cheat a lot.

            30% of Czech girls are nerdy/socially awkward. In other countries you would expect this kind of girls to be fat/ugly but here in Czech Republic they turn out to be quite pretty and they look for gentle not aggressive men and those are the ones I’ve been dating only to find out they’re an absolute psychological/emotional mess big time, some of them even virgins not because of religion but because of their awkwardness. So after 9 months living in Czech Republic, I’ve dated about 15 girls and had 0 sex which is weird for me. Well USA not even a date.

            Also Czech people are famously narrow minded and not interested on meeting foreigners, same happen with their girls, only nerdy ones want to but as I mentioned they’re a waste of time.

  4. Great post Mr. Maverick. While I am not entirely against arranged marriages I just don’t think they could ever work in the west currently even on an informal level. Both my parents have been married for over 20 years and my parents always tell me I need to get a woman for companionship. I kindly say no not right now but in my mind I know I won’t even consider this now until I move. The only reason I bring this up is because my parents do not understand how things are in the west. I try to explain but they truly do not comprehend the gravity of my vocabulary. So if something like arranged marriages started to pick up momentum in the US I suspect many men would get shafted. Of course a girl would be an angel when her parents are looking for her. You are right there is too much freedom in the west. Too many brands and food placing all telling you what you need. I don’t think this generation can ever settle down because subconsciously they will want the next thing. New phone new apps new shitty mainstream song the list goes on…
    We’ll that concludes my tiny rant for today!

    • “The only reason I bring this up is because my parents do not understand how things are in the west. ”

      Where are they from?

      I do agree with you on rest, though. Very informative and interesting comment.

  5. Humans are pretty observant creatures. They have watched themselves evolve. They have watched what worked to ensure survival throughout a long history that until quite recently was pretty un-survivable. They especially saw how women behaved when left to their own devices (and men as well).

    Certain social structures evolved. You see it especially in the Middle East.

    Westerners can’t fathom why the Arab world thinks and behaves as it does when it comes to gender relations. But take a look at where they are from….unforgiving, lethal landscape with little in the way of resources. (water, agriculture, etc, with the exception of the Tigris / Euphrates valley)

    The key to survival was familial and clan integrity. Break the clan, break the family and you die. Hence arranged marriages and keeping women locked down was part of an overall survival strategy.

    But I don’t want to digress…

    Fact is, for long term survival and quality of life a solid family is and has always been the best bet.

    I saw it in Baghdad. Older people from weak families who could not care for them, dumped on the street to die. No joke.

    Unfortunately, in the west we’re seeing the systematic destruction of those basic units and the tenants that bore them.

    As I get older I am realizing that hook ups only leave me feeling lonelier than before and that the chances of a stable commitment to a western female is probably not going to happen. And, realistically, dashing off to another country to find a bride isn’t either in my case.

    So, I find myself thinking about death a lot and hoping it happens before I am too old to make it noteworthy or in some way heroic. Memorable, as it’s the only legacy I’m likely to leave.

    I have seen the abandoned elderly in the lower end homes. It is not a fate I would wish on an enemy.

    But without a solid, blood line family, that’s what you’re looking at if you live too much beyond 70 (unless you have lots and lots of money).

    Pretty sad state of affairs.

  6. Imo arranged marriages wouldn’t solve anything in Western countries, it is the culture that is toxic and causing the great rifts between men and women. So many people there have inferiority complexes. It is the culture that needs to be changed. Men and women need to be taught that they should be together, not necessarily dependent on each other (e.g. coming from a needy mindset) but supporting each other. The whole “be independent you dont need men” mentality is awful for women and, the bitchy behaviour is causing lots of resentment in men and the average chodiness in western men is causing great resentment in women. And the chodiness is a product of how men are conditioned to behave, just like the bitchiness of women. E.g. pedestal the women, come from a framework of scarcity, you cannot act sexual in any way.

    “When you break down the family unit, you no longer have a proper role model that can serve as a guide on what you should do. You no longer have a healthy authority. And without a healthy authority, all you’re left is with media and your raging emotions. Advertising companies understand this perfectly which is why billions and billions of dollars are spent on manipulating us into doing or buying something because it’ll make us feel good and not provide us with tangible benefit.”

    Strip a person of validation and they will chase for it hard. Destroy the relations between men and women, and you destroy the family unit and strip children of the love and support they need.

    • Great comment as always, D.

      I agree the title was a bit off since it wasn’t what I was trying to convey. I’ve renamed the article to better represent what I was trying to say.

  7. Just think about this:

    In the past, women were encourage to marry, have kids and stay at home. They created wonderful marriages, very healthy kids and relationships and they were happy. Why?

    Because they were given a purpose and a purpose they were good at. Women are good at being passive, women are good at having kids and women are good at raising these kids and women always want a dominant man to tell them what to do.

    It’s their nature, men are active, women are passive.

    The current world wants to turn women into men, it wants women to do the same as men, perhaps because it’s a capitalistic society where rents are expensive so in order to pay for them they need to keep both partners working, capitalism in a way it’s modern slavery.

    I don’t want to sound misogynist, but women are absolutely passive in every sense: It’s been more than 50 years of women having as much freedom as men in Western societies, Western universities actually have more women enrolled than men yet after graduation women don’t really do anything relevant in the business (active)world.

    Think about this, who invented internet?, Who invented Smart Phone?, Who invented Facebook, etc. Answer: not women.

    They will blame it on the patriarchy, they will blame it on the “wage gap” but the reality is that it’s not in their chromosomes.

    Think about this: Do you have hobbies? I do, I’ve had many hobbies:

    I currently grow weed for my own consumption. I know many men who do the same, how many women:0

    I also brew craft beer, I know many men that do, how many women do I know? Zero

    I used to keep reef aquariums, I met many men in the same hobby, how many women? Zero

    RC airplanes: men

    I’ve actually never met women with hobbies, sure they go to yoga, listen to music and go shopping but those are not hobbies.

    Hobbies just reveal an inner fire, an inner uneasiness to be creative, invent new things, analyze how stuff work and come up with new ideas and solutions. Women simply don’ have that in their nature. The patriarchy is not preventing them to have hobbies, they just don’t.

    So for a woman, to have a man who can lead, who can tell them to stay at home and raise children it’s just wonderful, they suddenly have a purpose: to make a man happy, to raise children, something they’re good at. Think about it.

    Call it karma perhaps, for many centuries we actually treated women like cattle, now they’re taking revenge.

    My current happiness is to travel around the world, mostly with other male friends, smoke weed and walk around the beautiful European cities just watching how beautiful life is, admiring the architecture and listening to classic music. No need to try to please somebody, no need of trying to be liked by the opposite sex, no need to stay late at night at clubs getting rejection until meeting some receptive female that could lead to sex but nothing more, no need to feel frustrated.

    • you are absolutely right on the reversal of gender roles. And the entrepreneurial fire of men is crushed by society because we are always taught, business is risky, go do the safe (stupid) thing: go to university get a degree go into debt whilst doing very little for your employability in most cases… and then theres the pressure to be a conformist to all authority instilled in pretty much all schools. Anyhow great entrepreneurs tend to be rebels anyway and don’t give one fuck. As for women being passive, I reckon that is true for many women but being passive, the follower of the man and a housewife has had a negative stigma attached to it and it is implied to be a form a slavery, even if that’s what the woman wants.

      • Yes, but that stigma is created by some societies and that’s the problem but trust me, there’s nothing wrong with women staying at home and raising kids. In Mexico, the divorce rate is 0.5%. My parents are still happily married and they greatly support each other in the shitty and good times, they give us so much love to me and my brother and I feel lucky.

        I would avoid to marry an American woman at all cost. I’ve seen how it begins: society tends to blame both partners but I think it’s always mostly the western women:
        First, they stop having sex with their husband, they might claim whatever reason and would get support from many ‘liberal’ groups. In most cases the husband is just fulfilling his husband role and being happy being a provider but Western women start seeing this as a weakness they can take advantage of and try to cheat or fights start happening when the guy realizes he hasn’t gotten laid in months, then divorce follows, a lawsuit demanding to pay for her lawyer and lifetime alimony of half of your income plus the house. What happened with love, loyalty? They even take your kids away, in the end you end up miserable barely surviving to make ends meat, with the government ready to put you in jail if you can’t while your ex is banging some guy but still always unhappy.

        Shit, that will never happen to me, even if the government would want to put me in jail for not paying alimony I would travel around the world running away, I would never go back. Luckily, I’m Mexican and don’t have American citizenship, so that could never happen to me!

    • I’m glad you mentioned that men have invented/built everything in our society. I just recently graduated from college and man the women there were completely clueless. The women also outnumbered men. Looking at an incoming freshman class I mostly saw women and the guys that I did see. They were cotton soft and weak willed men. What makes me really mad is when people do not look at all the facts but only look at a conclusion that fits their narrative. To me its funny that all these women go to school to do jobs that they would basically do for a husband. Basically they will work for another man and do trival tasks. Not our fault women flock to BS majors that have no real world implications. Just shows how women don’t have any logic. But thats their problem but it sucks because I know these women will be miserable in their late 20s.
      I think if women WERE capable then since the years of B.C. there would have been more women to make major contributions and this is thousands of years so I seriously doubt we will see anything different from women.

      You are right about the hobbies though. Women just follow whatever is trendy. By men having hobbies and exploring new things is where innovation comes from. Usually an invention or a new process can come from being passionate about something. No wonder why women never come up with shit. Too busy clicking baiting on their iphones using apps developed by men. Well the successful ones which are more often than not by men.

  8. Rehabilitating the family is a traditionalist/conservationist utopia, not a real option.
    The average modern-day female is utterly corrupted by 50 years of feminism. There’s no way back. Sit back and enjoy the decline.


  9. Uhm… liberal or traditional, blessed and cursed. No extreme is good. The point is in balance. So find a smart woman that knows that balance or have the same opinion as you on that balance. I dont wanna fuck different woman every night, i dont wanna fridged feminist, i dont wanna arranged marriage. I can think for myself, and i want someone who can think for himself too. Someone with similar opinions. Just think, its answer for everything.

    • Yes, problem is, we all want that, and trust me, I’ve been looking for that person my whole life and I’ve come to the realization I’ve been chasing unicorns and wasted a good percentage of my life.

      One most focus on enjoying oneself and self-development and so if a good woman comes along it was really meant to be.

      Actively looking for a partner is an enslaving trend I think.

      • Active looking? Nah, I meant to live your life normally, when that person comes along, you’ll recognize it. In fact, you cant miss it…

    • ^^^^^

  10. I’m going to play devil’s advocate here because you already have to many admirers 😉

    Although your posts about the state of western society are my favourite posts, I think they are mostly about yourself, your own feelings.

    Yes, we have much more mobility and freedom in the west, but the amount of people who are traveling and fornicating their way through the world are relatively rare.
    Most people have a few ‘wild years’ and then settle down into more stable situations.

    I think you’re just burned out and in need for stability. That’s perfectly fine but like alot of womanizers who have been living one way far too long, you might have a tendency to overdo the “this is shallow and that is meaningful” bit. You’re in danger of seeing relationships through rose colored glasses.

    Don’t see this as a dig at you. Like I said I love your writing. It’s just something I’m seeing more and more with ‘PUA’ writers as they progress through their 30s. Sometimes they mistake a desire for more stability for profound wisdom applicable to the whole western society.

    • Deep comment. There’s probably some truth there.

      • So what do you think about the following premise?

        When we talk about what’s best for society are we really talking about what’s best for society? Or are we talking about a society that best meets our current desires in life? So in a way, are we just talking about ourselves?

        I’d like you opinion on this because you’re a deeper thinker than I am!

  11. ^^^^^

  12. Have you read Neil Strauss’s latest book (The Truth)? What did you think of it?

    I just finished it and it goes over a lot of these concepts… how one night stands get old, and it’s time to move on. Thought-provoking (he’s also a good writer so it’s a good story too).

  13. Arranged marriages aside, there is a lot to be said for the opinions of family.

    I once met a hot nineteen-year-old South American beauty. When I asked around, my cousin said “She’s a good girl from a good family”, words that no-one has spoken about a woman before or since.

    In a couple of weeks, we will celebrate our twenty-ninth wedding anniversary.

    • What you’re saying is extremely true.

      Unfortunately most people just go for physical looks (ego, validation) only and don’t really look at other factors.

      • It’s hard to accept it but just the way most women like tall, jerk guys, us men also prefer hot looking women even if they are soulless or stupid. It’s nature, unfortunately, though we can fight against this inner nature and go the Zen way.

  14. Maverick is gettin’ married soon. I wonder how his blog will look like after that .
    Maverick, may be your travel presented you with too many options and now you are confused .

  15. That post and comments of people about this post is very useful information and thoughts. In my opinion its really true that much freedom and options destroy the modern man.

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