Maverick Traveler

Location Independence, Geo Arbitrage, Individual Freedom

What Makes A Woman Feminine?

If there’s one adjective that’s discussed pretty much ad-nauseam when it comes to women, it’s femininity. Judging by how often it’s discussed, it’s easily the most sought-after quality after beauty. To most men, feminity is like the proverbial oasis in a dry desert. Feminity is what the Spanish conquistador Juan Ponce de León would’ve been looking for if he hadn’t been looking for the fountain of youth.

But whereas beauty is easily understood and needs no further explanation (you’re either attracted to the woman or not), feminity is more opaque and complicated.

As an Eastern European guy, I always considered American (or foreign-born Americanized) women to be somehow “different,” and, as a result, mostly dated Eastern European and Latin American women (my Eastern European and Latin American friends in New York did the same thing).

While I couldn’t verbalize it at that time, one of the reasons I went for non-Americanized women over Americanized women was because the former were more feminine than the latter.

So, what exactly is femininity? A feminine woman implicitly understands the existence of polarity when it comes to her own self-actualization and when dealing with other people (both men and women). She intrinsically knows that men and women are different and that gender is a biological—not a societal—construct.

Sometimes guys are talking about feminity, but what they are actually referring to is “girlyness.” Thus, if a woman isn’t especially girly, then they don’t consider her to be feminine. Conversely, if a woman is tough and “ball-busting,” she’s considered masculine.

But that’s a wrong way of looking at it. There are plenty of women who are tough and ball-busting, but are still extremely feminine.

For instance, Eastern European women are, for the most part, very feminine, but not all of them are girly girls who uncontrollably giggle at everything you say. I’ve met plenty of women who are tough and goal-oriented, but they still behave according to the implicit rules of gender relations, making them very feminine.

Vulnerability

Feminity is also about being secure and not ashamed of being the “weaker” sex. It’s being secure and comfortable with the desire to submit to a stronger man. It’s a form of vulnerability. If a woman isn’t comfortable with all that; if she believes that men and women are equal in all ways—including biologically and psychologically—if she believes that there’s no such thing as gender and gender roles, then there’s no more feminity and masculinity.

Long ago, when I lived in San Francisco Bay Area, I went out with an American girl who worked in the tech industry. It was our first date. She was smart, interesting and very ambitious. We had a lot of fun. I definitely liked her.

But the most memorable part wasn’t the actual date, but what happened right after. As we were leaving the restaurant, I opened the restaurant’s door to let her out. It’s something that I do out of courtesy for both women and men.

I immediately felt something was off. While she didn’t say anything, I could tell she felt uncomfortable not having to open the door herself. It was as though I intruded on her personal space and invaded her comfort zone.

Now, I’m not one of those super chivalrous guys who always opens doors for women. I don’t run around and go out of my way to do it. I do it every now and then. But I feel there’s something wrong when you open the door for a woman and she immediately becomes uncomfortable as though you’ve just deprived all her hard-won  freedoms.

A feminine woman has no problems letting the man take the lead, whether it’s opening the door or letting him seduce her—in fact, she expects nothing less. I don’t know any Latin American or Eastern European women who would suddenly freeze and become uncomfortable when a man is trying to be chivalrous.

Polarity

Feminine women naturally communicate differently with men than women who are raised in a culture that lacks clearly defined gender roles. American dating is about having endless, politically-correct conversations that span all kinds of (widely regurgitated) topics. These conversations more resemble televised debates than intimate flirting. The reason that happens is because there’s no gender polarity.

The more feminine the woman, the stronger her desire for polarity, and, consequently, the more she desires a masculine guy. The stronger the polarity, the less you need to employ “fillers” of useless conversation to pass the time and fish for attraction. Of course, there’s a catch: it requires the man to be authentic with his desires and masculinity and not be fake by trying to be someone that he’s clearly not.

Moreover, a feminine woman is actually comfortable being a feminine woman. She views feminity as a valuable asset that’s duly part of who she’s, an asset that’s meant to be celebrated and leveraged instead of a liability that should be downplayed and even compensated for. She’s glad that she was born a woman and not a man.

I feel that feminity is one of the greatest gifts that a woman can bestow to the world. When I began traveling, I started to experience amazing connections and “chemistry” with women, connections that I’ve almost never experienced during my life in America. It’s as though my dating life went from being black and white to an unlimited palette of bright and exciting colors.

But the world is rapidly changing. Cultures are becoming increasingly genderless. In places where traditional relationships are the norm, women are being shamed for their feminine behavior instead of appreciated and celebrated for it. And I’m afraid that without feminity, amazing things like “chemistry” between two human beings will soon be relegated to the dustbin of history.

78 Comments

  1. In Colombia I discovered what femininity means. Women give you the feeling that you take care of them, something I never experienced in Western Europe. They also want you to give them affection. pick them up, hold their hand, give them your coat when it’s cold, etc.

    Many of them have traditional values, are religious, want to builfd a family, …in contrast to the strong assertive independent Western woman who wants to build a career. Women in Western societies care about their looks, but not in the same way as Ukranian of Colombian women.

    The shift to the dual-earner model was a huge mile stone in history. It enabled women to be more independent. But it’s more than that, some cultures are more macho than others.

    It is intersting to think about what femininty is, but i”s sure more than biological, it’s a social construction. It is a set of behaviours that are considered feminine by society. When a boy cries his parents will act different than when a girl cries. A boy is not supposed to play with puppets etc.

    • western cultures are on the decline…low birth rates, thank you modern feminism, you have achieved what Emperor Hirohito could not, the end of Europeans.

      • American women have evolved past using “femininity” exclusively. Maybe Maverick had poor relations with American women because they really werent digging him.

        • And yes I said evolved past meaning they do not ALWAYS feel it necessary to use their sexuality for gain. They can make gains in spite of it. Its wonderful and amazing and only strong evolved men can appreciate and celebrate this, for women, amd still love them.

        • You see feminine characteristics as a ploy to trick men, but there is a difference between feminine traits and sexual allurement. Feminine qualities are softer, she’s a gentle person and she’s very kind. A feminine woman is a team player, however, she will play her position and ONLY her position. Therefore, it is in her best interest to know her position within a relationship. Theology tells us that woman came from a part of man, therefore, it is reasonable for a woman to gravitate towards him and vice versa. When a man pulls a woman close to him, through dating, he is looking for his counterpart, not his adversary nor his mother but his lover, the softer side of himself.

          A man will only change for the woman “HE” loves, not the other way around. This is why we say it is good when a man finds a “wife,” because only she can domesticate him, otherwise, he will continue to be a nomad or thug wreaking havoc everywhere he goes.

          When God gave the man a woman he really gave him something wonderful and the man knows it. It is Western women who are questioning his decision. A man needs to be needed in order to fulfill his calling in life. Western societies are making that aspect of a man obsolete.

          I understand the allure of Eastern European women but a westerner should be careful because “charm” is deceptive. In societies where women have very little power, they use their feminity as weapons, which is why nations use women, far more than men as spies.

      • oh fuck off it will be good if we die out, were killing us anyway and everything around us thats good!!!

    • Very well said. I love men that are masculine, and I like being feminine. No, Edna. I don’t think wanting men to be masculine, and wanting to be feminine makes it any easier to retain the love of your spouse as you grow older. Very much the opposite. Your femininity will still be there after your looks are gone. In fact, looks are the one thing that can make a masculine woman attractive, and once she is less attractive, then her lacking in personality will be even more notable. Lately, I feel that masculine men are under siege by liberalism. The problem is that liberals are often led by women, and masculine men are chivalrous, and naturally protective of women, and don’t want to duke it out with feminists whose agenda is to turn the power system upside down, and powerful, brave men are in the way of it happening. I think its time for women in their lives to make themselves heard.

  2. I know why women in rich western countries don’t want to be feminine. Sexual polarity naturally makes men are more highly valued for factors they can change, like their career, and have more power over finances, and place their self-worth on their abilities instead of having to hope that they are beautiful and that some man finds them worth his time, energy, and money. Women are so vulnerable in that situation, as they get older they must feel so scared that their husband will leave them, and there is nothing they can do because they can’t turn back time and men don’t find intellect or achievements attractive…or at least attractive enough to persuade them to stay with the woman and admire her.
    So it’s easier for women with the choice to be independent and share their emotions with their friends instead of entrusting themselves to a man. Risk vs reward, right?
    This is just my opinion, based on personal experience. I find it easier to focus on improving myself (I suppose in the way a man does; by developing my mind) I don’t want to be hurt by a man again. I made myself vulnerable, told him everything, shared myself with him, and he cheated on me with some girl who didn’t care about him, I suppose because she was prettier? Or easier? I don’t know. I would have done anything for him,I did do so many things, I did his homework for him, dressed beautifully, kissed him every day and looked at him like a king, but instead he made fun of me, and was threatened anytime I tried to talk to him about something meaningful (Not regurgitated polemics) And apparently, if I want to date men, things will only get worse as I get older? That sounds great for the men who get to flitter from one insecure 20-something to the next as long as they have a steady career, but for women it is awful. My femininity means nothing, it’s worthless if I’m not beautiful, it doesn’t make people love you, it makes them see you as weak, and they take advantage of you.
    Tell me honestly that as a man, you would love a woman and stay with her for life even as she got older and went from a “9” to a “4”. Tell me that her “femininity” would make you love, respect, and desire her even if she had wrinkles, gray hair, etc. For me, the man I loved was ugly; huge head, small body, lots of acne, fat lips, huge bags under his eyes, weird moles, I could go on, but I still loved him, and my heart still fluttered every time I saw him, and nothing made me happier than to rest my head against his chest and caress his face. You know why? Because I thought he loved me, I thought he cared for me, and wanted to share his life with me. But he couldn’t even control himself when he saw a prettier girl that flirted with him. A man can’t do that. You don’t want to admit it, but men are weaker. Men don’t feel love or loyalty to women, just lust. They use women to make them feel stronger and more powerful. Maybe this isn’t all men, but it is most. Anyway, tell me honestly that you would love a feminine woman if she were ugly/old and I’ll become feminine myself, but for now I think it doesn’t matter what the girl’s personality is like, she’s worthless if she isn’t 20-30 years old, grossly flattering, and pretty, it’s the fault of the men, not the women.

    • Tell me honestly Edna, if you married a man that had a good job earned seven figures and had a plan his life and a purpose. And then one day he lost his job sat on the couch and just ate chips and drank beer, no purpose no desire to achieve or do anything with his life. Waiting for you to come home and fix dinner. Would you still love and respect and desire her? Hmmmm?

      Well I guess that is women’s fault?

      Funny thing is “feminism” is making this more and more common every day.

      • Lol, Fred’s comment missed her point entirely, aside from being retardedly constructed. Obviously, every person is different individually, but it’s true that generally most men of all ages are focused on the youth and beauty that lacks wisdom and intelligence (i.e most women in their 20’s and 30’s.) This is just biology. But it’s also masculinity corrupted by impulsiveness and low self esteem. Generally as a woman gets older and wiser through life, the men who stop appreciating her true qualities as a human being are the ones who lack any of those qualities themselves. That’s just a simple rule of how we are: if you can’t recognize, appreciate, or support certain qualities in another, then you yourself don’t possess those qualities. Naturally superficial people who lack true self confidence are attracted to the same type of person.

        Anyone who matters knows that what makes the man a man isn’t just his job and superficial qualities (looks, alpa behavior, dominance) it’s his character, strength and self confidence. Exactly the same is true of a woman.
        Any man -or woman- who really knows their value and WHAT they value in life, can truly love and appreciate another for those more substantial, deeper elements.

        • Fantastic comment, thank you.

          • True, however, a woman shouldn’t stop taking care of herself and neither should he. Nevertheless, I suspect there was more going on in the relationships of the two commenters above then what they have written. A man likes to feel needed and respected and no one does this better than a young woman. These are an aphrodisiac to him whether or not he knows it, especially if he is going through his mid-life crisis. It has nothing to do with his wife love or dedication to him. In fact, it doesn’t have anything to do with the woman’s age or beauty if she meets his emotional needs, look at Prince Charles and Camila or the new French PM and his wife.

            I feel sorry for Edna because she got hurt very badly but being feminine isn’t just for getting a man. There are many women who are feminine but they can’t seem to keep a man.

            Although, it maybe normal for men to like younger women it isn’t normal for younger women to like older men, which is why it is very difficult for an older man to get and keep a younger woman even if he has money.

        • 3rd wave modern feminism is more damaging to girls than the “evil male patriarchy” it apparently opposes.

        • Absolutely. I understand why women have moved towards self sufficiency. Its a gamble not to. Wonderful comment.

      • Interesting remark Fred, yes a woman still loves her husband when life turns bad. My husband and I lost our only daughter and we were both devastated but as a woman I know how to be strong and survive, I was the one who looked after our daughter ( severe brain illness & early dementia & full paralysis) I was the one who got up every half hour at night fit the last three months of her life, I was the one who administered enemas, syringe feedings, pain medication, massaged her limbs, watched tears fall from her eyes that screamed the silence. My husband would get drunk, disappear just to get out of the house and now I deal with him day after day, but I still love this man, I still remember the love I felt at the start, I will never forget this. I’m going through my now older years as being viewed as too fat ( very unfeminine according to men) I suffer flash backs, depression but I plough through everyday and no one knows the life I live cause they don’t want to know I’m just another aging overweight woman, who should be more Feminine. Listen Fred and the original writer of this stupid article, your male ideals of feminine are Young, Pretty and females who don’t come with any of Life’s Baggage, you know? the real stuff that happens to real people. Stick your opinions of femininity , you are just a closed minded ( dime a dollar) Male.

        • Amen, I love you.

        • These bloggers are infantile grown ups, who confuse manliness with narcissistic omnipotence & entitlement.. If their stupidity weren’t so dangerous – their silly articles would be really funny!! >_<

        • Kym, I’ve very sorry that happened to you but I’m not surprised that you were the one to handle your daughter’s care. It is too difficult for a man to stand by and know there is nothing he can do to help his child.

          Men are doer’s and fixers but he couldn’t fix her situation. I’m not excusing his behavior because he should have been more of a help to you but I do understand it. He might be feeling worse and using drink to dull the pain because just wasn’t his daughter he failed but you too.

          Now, that your motherly duties are done I would suggest that you lose the weight and weight training is the best way to do it because it will build up your muscles and fit your skin back to your body as the weight comes off.

          Buy some new clothes and a new hairstyle or buy a wig if you don’t want to be too drastic. Take the love you have for your daughter and put it in your smile. She is at peace now it is you who have to keep living. Femininity embodies a peaceful and gentle spirit, which is intoxicating to everyone you come into contact with.

          I don’t know what I would have done if I had to walk in your shoes after your daughter’s accident but I know what some other people did who had walked out of a Nazi camp after WWII. Many came to America, other’s went to Israel and some stayed in Germany but none of them looked back.

          They made something of the life they had been left with. Many of them became wealthy or made it so their children did. They had a perspective on life that I will never have and so do you. Take what you have been given and enrich someone else’s life. It’s not the hand we were dealt in life that determines our destiny but how we play that hand. Even a bad hand can win the pot and you may as well look good while you do it.

      • Great point Fred. When i talk about my career, women look at me the same way I look at a girl in low cut shorts.

        I used to try and win them over with personality. Now, I just brag. Way more effective.

        • Ha… are you even brag material? What is to brag about if more good looking and talented men with better personality and higher positions than you exists in hundreds and thousands? In short, how do you define your “success” that you think is worthy to brag about? The still inexperienced naive women who fell for the brags? What about if in front of a more successful men? Do you listen to them brag instead?
          Remember this old Chinese proverbs: Above the tallest mountain, there is the Sky (whom the mountain will never be).
          But… yuup.. its certainly effective for the quickie result desired, ne?
          For us, some women prefer men whose “brags” doesn’t come off from his mouth. But from his achievements (whom he doesn’t feel he need to spout off, because everyone already know about it anyway). At least, that’s the guy I end up with *heehee… aww mr. Bragger* Peace!!

        • If bragging “works” better than “personality” at winning people’s respect – perhaps you are lacking personality?

      • First there is the assumption that Edna didn’t have a good job of her own where she earned seven figures and was her husbands equal. Secondly if you were addressing a senario where her interests were solely based off his resources, perhaps that’s a result of systematically teaching a woman’s worth is tied to her looks above everything else.

      • Fred is completely correct.

      • Feminism is certainly not making relationships any better. And Edna is mistaking femininity for a physical trait rather then a personality trait. It is a skill. And women that want to stay with a desirable, masculine successful man, and to make him happy, and be happy themselves, would be smart to work on it. Fred is making total sense.

    • I am sorry for your pain Edna and what you experienced. My ex-husband cheated on me and abused me, and it was horrible. This was in my 20’s. While he hurt me, I had fault there too. I can see that now.

      After a few failed relationships, plus a long time of being alone, I met a man who I love and adore. He is wonderful, strong and protective, loving and caring. He is respectful and handsome and interested in how I feel. He is not perfect, but I respect him and his imperfections, which make him unique and have shaped who he is. I love and accept that, even when it’s hard. He was worth the wait and the pain. I would do it all again, if he leads me back to him.

      So, don’t lose hope or love – stay soft and vulnerable. Learn lessons from your experiences but don’t turn cynical. Good men are out there – and there are more of them than you might think. There are jerks and abusers, but I’ve discovered they are really the minority. Stay open-hearted. Good luck to you!

      • I 2nd this and congrats Anna, for getting your life back in track and being so much happier than in the past. Sometimes, stumbles in life is just a mean for us to learn and grow and know what we want for ourselves and what’s good or bad for us. Speaking from own experience ^^

      • Great advice Anna it is true. Good men are out there waiting on a good woman.

    • Hi Edna, perhaps you posted this a long time ago.. I understand how you feel. Yes, it’s scary to be vulnerable. Men sometimes are strange creatures and can be undeniably selfish.

      But from what i have observed about your relationship.. you felt or you made yourself the giver… wether you believe yourself or not.. you loved him from your head.. not your heart.

      You feed your fears..”what if he leaves me..” “what if he leaves me..” until they become real and he does leave you.

      Loving from the heart means not blaming someone for what you offered them or gave them out of your own will. Loving from the heart is not rationalizing your fears but feeling them and calming them down because you love this man.

      About femininity, it has nothing to do with age.. but it has to do with the youth and radiance of your heart. When you laugh at his sill jokes or make him laugh by being sarcastic or witty at times.

      Femininity is not about young age, but it is the innocence and no judgement of another human being because you always put yourself in his shoes.

      Its okay to be angry at him, all men, all young women and me for posting this comment. Just remember saying that femininity is a weakness giving up alot of powerful energy that nurtures the sick, warms up the lonely and enrich the masculine by showing it all the beauties in a “prove yourself” world.

      I hope you listen to your heart more and not your head. <3 All the best.

    • As a man who lived in NYC for a year let me tell you that 70-80% men are complete assholes. I went out with my buddies who go out, get laid and share the nudes of that girl on social media without their consent. They cat call other girls and pick up fight with random strangers. I am sorry for what you have gone through. I don’t know much about the guy you were with so I can’t say much but for you should keep on developing. You have better understanding of men now and you know who are assholes and who aren’t. Give the next guy a chance and you maybe surprised.

    • Edna, two things:

      1. For millenia, men married women decades younger. In this scenario, their sexual value diminishes together. By the time a woman is in her forties, her man is approaching sixty, with hardly the sex drive for her, let alone to cheat. (Before viagra).

      2. You cant place your female morals on a man. If he cheated, I’m sorry, but it has nothing to do with love. We desire novel sex because of our evolution. Romance novels and love songs are nothing more than a product sold for women. Dont believe them. There are no men who want what you want. Some can pretend for a while. Some can trick themselves. Some can take cute pics with their chick and look like a perfect couple. But deep down, we men fantasize about stuff that will make you sick. You’d might as well accept those of us who are up front about it.

      3. Throughout history, women had more of their social needs met by other women. Men would be hunting and bonding while women bonded through gathering and caretaking. Every woman I meet tells me she has all guy friends. This is new, and its not good. This “soul mate” idea or ” best friends as lovers” concept is new too. It sounds like your ex did not need you for validation or for his social needs. Thats a great place for a man to be. Unfortunately, you were looking to him for that, when you may have needed more positive female connections.

      I recommend you start dating men much older. You will be on the same value level. He’ll appreciate you more than a younger man, and you’ll experience a more natural role. Spending more time with feminine women could help you too.

      We’ve all been brainwashed by american media. Im working hard to make more male friendships and have older male role models. Its tough, but its way more fulfilling than trying to be best friends with a female. We are different species altogether. Good luck.

      • The latest research indicates that the closer the age of the couple, the more successful the marriage.

        Research also indicates that aside from a smaller number of May-December marriages, most couples are near the same age.

        As a woman, I have zero desire to be with a man who is much older than me. I don’t want to still be up for travel and other activities when he is too sick. I don’t want to wish for sex when he is past it.

        It’s very hard to be at different stages in life, and only men seem to see any advantage to it. I can assure you that most women (not all) honestly don’t want a huge age difference. It really doesn’t benefit us.

        I know a woman who is married to a man 19 years older than herself. It has been a good marriage and she’s dedicated to him. However, he got very sick and almost died. Though he recovered, he can no longer have sex and long travel is difficult. In her fifties, she still has a lot of energy. She is living a very different life than her friends who are married to men who are close in age.

      • David, I totally agree with your third point but the first two isn’t true. Men didn’t marry women decades younger and if they did it was because they had to work for decades to acquire some kind of wealth before they married. Women were given earlier in marriage than we are now but that doesn’t mean the man was decades older than her. Wealthy men married younger women because their families gave them to these men in order to forge an agreement but commoners married each other at the appropriate age.

      • David,

        You appear to have very rigid and misguided opinions about men and women.

        Telling women to marry much older men to insure themselves against infidelity is clearly an indication that you have no formal qualifications in Relationship counseling nor any real experience with this subject.

        The whole concept of a woman’s sexual value lowering when she’s in her forties also clearly indicates that you have some very limiting beliefs.

        The comment you made about men’s fantasies, is irrelevant as to whether he is capable of loving someone and being loyal and devoted.
        Men have sick fantasies…..well NEWS FLASH!!! So do women and women’s fantasies have been proven through studies to be far more explicit and detailed.
        The reality is it’s far easier for a woman to stray and find a man willing to do her fantasies than it is for a man to find a willing woman to partake in his.

        This is even more so if she is 20 years younger than him so your theory of women marrying much older men is likely to blow up in your face when your sitting at home in your wheel chair will your younger wife is banging the 20 yrs who likes older women because their mature, experienced and emotionally stable.

        Seriously think before you give advise on a subject you clearly have no experience in.

    • Hi Edna. I want to say that your experience reminds me of my past ones. As a guy, I told my dates many things about myself and ended up frustrated and hurt. And I think what you did was going to fast.

      I live in Canada, which is the same as USA in my honest opinion. Women here don’t respect men, and men don’t respect the women. You experienced hurt from a guy who had no love for you probably cause you trusted him to early on. As for myself I trusted this girl before too early on and hurt myself deeply in the process.

      But I did not hate or give up on a good woman. A year after that I did find A MUCH better woman and became married. She trusted me 100%, and loves me very much. But I do feel I am not respected enough. I get much criticism through my week, and complaints about my decisions. My wife is Asian, but has been in Canada for over 12 years. And the Americanized way did have a profound effect on her. But there is hope and we both will change for the better. I am not perfect myself, but I do love her.

      To sum up, western culture is about erasing borders, and giving authority to everyone. Its a mess, a work in progress to chaos for the man and woman. But I do admire older cultures of Asia, middle east and European for their traditional relationship styles. They were better than the modern ones now.

      @Edna, you treated that man with respect and honor and trust, but he didn’t even realize what he had. I suggest you look for a traditional value man, out there somewhere, and allow the trust to build over time. Trust your gut first, if there seems to be some issues, then its best you discuss those with him, or just move on to another. Until you find a man where you see him recognize you for who you are, and then build the trust up getting to know him.

    • Edna, that is fine for you. But NO. Your choice to not be hurt by a man gain has nothign to do with this discussion really. You just are not listening. Being inntelligent doesn’t make you less feminine, and being attractive doesn’t make you more feminine. Femininity is a personality trait. A man can be very masculine, but not that attractive. A woman can be very feminine. but not very attractive. In fact, a woman that is feminine, caring, and pleasant to be around is very much MORE likely to keep the love of her husband as she ages. A woman that has been working on herself, and trying to become better at things that interest her will not be any more likely to appeal to a man as she ages. While in the West we are trying hard to convince men that they shouldn’t be masculine, and women that they shouldn’t be feminine, none of that is going to make looks less important to men. You will just have wimpy men who will still hope that beautiful women want them.

  3. Hi Edna
    You may never see this comment, but here goes.
    I’m sorry your man treated you bad. If you can forgive his ignorance, you will probably meet another guy and he may be better. Your insecurity about your looks as you age are normal. With that said if you are feminine and vulnerable yet not naive to early warning signs of a bad man, you may catch a good one. A good man won’t trade you in when you lose your looks IF you give him your feminine grace and give him your value. If he doesn’t respect your grace just walk away. I dated a lot of women who were full of fear and baggage. Their mistrust got old as I wasn’t like the bad men they experienced. They lost me because they could not trust me no matter what. Trust but verify and don’t tolerate any BS from guys.

  4. Hi, I’ve read through all of your comments and Fred’s view was insulting. No I would definitely not date a guy who lost his job and sat down and did nothing, a good girlfriend would motivate him to get his job and to get up. And there is femininity should not be a defined, especially by a man. Men can have expectations but woman should choose how feminine they should be, they should be able to define femininity for themselves especially since all men have done have crushed. Why will they take on label with no meaning, if it has no meaning it has no strength. a woman shouldn’t feel obliged to let a man hold the door for her, if she feels uncomfortable get over it, she could be an independent woman and used to handling stuff on her own or she hasn’t been on a date for a while or it could be you putting your own thoughts your own head. this blog has told me that being feminine is about boosting a man’s masculinity and ego and lowering a woman’s femininity, altering it for a man.
    Femininity is up to the woman, they do it to please themselves. femininity starts with the woman, so why is it that a man is talking about how feminine a woman should be? This blog should truly be deleted because if every woman was like this then truly would a man settle for one woman?
    A woman does not need to be vulnerable to be feminine. they can be strong, I am a strong woman and I still allow a man to hold a door for me, what does that make me?
    Maverick did you even bother going on another date with this woman?
    So a woman should show you her femininity immediately?
    And polarity, a woman can be proud of their gender, be willing to commit to a man or woman and know their sex and still take on different roles. Please don’t speak for woman when you don’t know them, you only know what you want. this blog won’t help no man or woman.

    • This outlook is called Feminism. It is to blame for the decline of western marriages, and generations of men missing out on their father figures. It has also led to horrible health in American women, obesity, a sexless culture, unhappiness and of course loneliness.

      Go this route if you want to be alone with your pride.

      If you have an open mind, spend some weeks in latin america. Pick any city. Sit in the park and observe. You will see women kissing their men. Complimenting them. Flirting. Even older couples. Statistically they are happier women, those couples stay together longer, and they have sex three times as often as western anglo countries.

      (Also, your response to Fred’s comment proves his point.)

      • Well then. Just go live in Latin America. Case closed.
        For me, I dont mind being feminine to a guy if he’s worthy of my time and affection.
        BUT!
        Not just because you’re a guy gives you the right to say all women should be feminine and submit to men, or you (then if not, you directly label them as feminist). And if not then that’s the cause of obesity, loneliness, etc. Who are you? A certified expert?
        I come from Asian country where women have no problem in their more feminine roles. But I also know being more womanly doesn’t automatically guarantee a happier marriage or relationship. Some men are just not worth the trouble.

        My advice would be (and I don’t “brag” or act like a certified expert):
        For women:
        Find a man that’s worthy of your gorgeous feminine traits and other goodness. And shower them with it. And watch them reciprocate it to a fulfilling and long relationship. Otherwise, dont bother being sweet to those who think its their birthright for being assholes. Be careful as there are many Narcisist on the loose. Been there, learnt a hard lesson. Now in a totally opposite situation where I’m all feminine and still treated likr a princess ^^
        Everybody deserves this. Just remember to respect both your men but also yourself. Good luck.

        For Men:
        If you want the good catchs, you also have to do your bit. Don’t just PREACH about how feminism makes the world go down. Some becomes like this because there are many unworthy men. And perhaps this is their defense until they find the perfect guy. I’m no feminist and in a happy relationship with a manly man I dont mind being feminine and more submissive around, have sex often, and him being the lead of the relationship. But I’m happy seeing women in western culture have their own values on how they would like in their relationship. I’m sure if they meet the right partner, their feminine instinct will kick in automatically. Bottom line: why waste effort on someone you’re not entirely sure is the one yet? Hey,men use this excuse all times. Women can do so too:-p

        • This is the best comment on here, and I agree completely. Perfect response to Fred’s dumb response.

          I don’t know how someone can stupidly equate getting older (an inevitable and naturally occurring phenomenon), with a guy losing his job and deciding to sit at home and become a bum. A woman gives you her youthful years, beauty and loyalty, so that in return you stay with her, don’t cheat on her or trade her in when she inevitably gets older. Also, that feminine grace is all she has that keeps her attractive as she gets older and she continually gives that to you in return for your loyalty. I think a lot of women would be happy to be submissive and let the man make all the decisions, if they felt like they could be safe in their man’s love and loyalty. Without this, we have feminism that has resulted, with women saying that I’m not going to keep giving my all, while you get to do whatever you like; I would rather try to find happiness and fulfilment in my career and social work than in the unfaithful man.

          I find it incredibly amusing when Fred and other people like him espouse Latin American women as the pinnacle of femininity, but fail to realise why these women feel safe and comfortable in being feminine and showing this feminine side to their men. It’s because Latin American men treat their women well! I’ve met a few in my travels and these men definitely put a lot of American men to shame in the way that they treat women. Too many American men are assholes, brutish, have no self-respect, brag about cheating and treat women like crap. Not all, but I’ve met so many that it’s just sad. And some are actually good at the beginning and then turn into idiotic assholes as things progress. All in some stupid efforts to prove their ‘masculinity’ or because they think they’re owed something.

          Entitlement is rampant in this society. It’s disgusting.

      • David, no one has to go to Latin America to see women respecting their man or loving him, they just have to get outside the city or their normal area of influence and see most of America or at least the Christian culture because they do all of this.

      • Those feminine women earn a lot less than men. Of course they must please and flirt with men who provides for them. The feminist women does not want to please the guy for money, she honestly wants to earn it and get paid as much as men and stay with the guy she really loves. This way American women does not have to beg money from him. Do you want to give your money to feminine women who will please you because she eats your food?

  5. Feminine is not defined by being a house wife, or a “weaker sex” or someone who needs a real man to protect and provide for them. You as a woman are equal to men in a lot of aspects. You can still be feminine and pursue your career and your goals, that’s what makes us human. A lot of women now a days tend to corner men, they are independent, make their own money and have the means to pleasure themselves. So basically a lot of women say there is no need for men. But that is what we define as feminine, a woman who needs a man by her side, not because she can’t do it but because she wants that someone she knows she can lean on. No need to put men down, they are human too and they are being judged as much if not more as women are. Men just want a woman who can depend on them, and who will not make them feel inferior to them. Feminine women understand that there is a reason to have a man by your side. It’s not a necessity but it’s the need.

  6. For balance, I think it’s worth noting that the average American girl finds European men like the author of the blog, feminine as fuck. Not sure how this works into your notion of femininity.

    • Actually we find the author of this blog, and idiotic penis owners like him, ignorant and sexist as fuck. Any intelligent and sensible woman avoids guys like this like the plague.

      Seriously. it is laughable and horrific that men still believe that they should still be considered superior, for absolutely no reason.

      • I couldn’t agree enough. I can’t believe read this and take it seriously. Like come on. It’s just a huge ego trip for men. And the sad thing is the people who believe this nonsense probably can’t even be convinced otherwise. Any woman who straight up tells them the truth will instant deemed “unfeminine” whatever the hell that means considering femininity is up to a woman to define not a man. I love it when these men talk about gender polarities it’s always the men taking on leadership roles and power. They really can’t see the whole ego power trip their theories are.

        Review of article: I rolled my eyes so hard they rolled out of my head.

        • We men see and acknowledge our ego. Its what makes us men. Evolution made us this way. Writers who discuss it honestly are publishing what the rest of us have been thinking for decades. The women in our lives and on tv have just made us ashamed of it. The truth is, they are miserable, lonely women and would learn a lot if they spent some time in a country with more traditional values. Those countires have stronger families, and longer lasting marriages. If you have a problem with this article, you have a problem with billions of women much happier than you.

          If you really want to look at it rationally, you need to look at gender roles in primates. 60 years of feminism isnt going to undo 5 million years of evolution. Articles like this are only suggesting that people might be happier in the roles that evolution designed for them.

          Fight your biology if you want, but its the road to loneliness. There are plenty of cats who need adopting.

          • I love the lazy ‘oh, it’s evolution, I can’t change it’ excuse. Yeah, men can’t control their dicks. It’s not their fault, though! Well, women evolved since the 70s. It’s not our fault if we want to be how we want to be and considered equal.

          • Well then. Since I come from an Asian country with what David said got the stronger values, and currently in a happy relationship,then I feel very safe that David can’t bash me into adopting cats bwahaaha.
            But again and one more time: only be the nicest and most feminine to men that truly matters in your life whether directly or indirectly. Or the ones that you’re sure will matter to you. The ones that will have a somewhat balanced give and take relationship. Otherwise, men with full blown feeling of entitlement like above should be treated as just passing friends ^^
            There are many of this kinds of testosteron laden western males(we call them the weeaboos) that think Asian countries got that “values” of honoring men, believing Japanese girls to be feminine, submissive to their men. Only to have the shock in their lives when they actually date an Asian woman. Do the math lah! Want to be treated as kings? Love and respect your woman nicely. Thats why, dont just go date hopping and fuck around. Improve yourself. Many women are in the same if not higher standards of men nowadays. Hone yourself to be worthy of a good catch :-ppp

          • I would not be so sure that women in more traditional roles are happier. Have you ever been a woman in any scenerio? Also, ask yoursf why, if Americam women were happier in those traditional roles, would they have fought so hard to become equal? Because it is sould crushing to serve a man who doesnt respect you. What you leave out is that so often women are taken advantage of, not just in dating, but in marriage and family life. Try it some time. Then you will truly understand.

      • The reason is simple. If he pays for women he expects her to submit.

    • WOWr!!Fo!e en flott blogg :O)Fikk nyss om deg gjennom en venninne. Ã… det er jeg glad for. Gleder meg til Ã¥ følge deg .O)Ønsker deg og dine en herlig helg.VH Lisa

    • This post is full of so much awesome! I’m thrilled you have found our community! Thank you for taking The Mom Pledge and helping spread the word about our mission.

  7. Good article on femininity!

    The problem with women not being feminine is no1 tells us what to do,how to behave,etc…
    We see mom,our gfs and many girls around us behaving unfeminine daily.
    So,it embeds in our mind…
    It is difficult to get it out of our system.

    James Maverick,you can do your bit to solve this problem and help women in a good way.
    🙂
    Can you please do a follow -up article on what type of conversations a feminine woman can have on dates which showcase gender polarity?

    Also you started to experience amazing connections and “chemistry” with women globally, connections that you almost never experienced during your life in America.
    So,can you also do an article on the differences in the ways of interaction by women in America and other parts of world so that women who like to be more feminine get some guidance manual…

    Thank you.

  8. Here is a interesting dichotomy about a truly self-actualized, independent woman. They can fix cars and computers, conduct home repairs, worldly regarding social-economical issues and culture, financially nimble, etc. Yet, they dress up beautifully to go out to dinner and gracefully accepts the request of her date to accompany her (the man holds out his arm to escort said woman) into a restaurant. She displays impeccable etiquette and class which highlights the masculinity of her dinner companion. These women exude feminism It is this dichotomy that really fascinates men.

    • Right. This is what so many (American, mostly) women don’t get (see comments above – quick tip for them: a woman swearing completely kills interest). In general, Americans are emotionally immature and they also don’t get what masculinity is, but that’s another topic.
      It doesn’t matter what you do in your career or what you can do in general, these things are not problems at all, it’s a matter of how you complement a man you’re interested in when you’re with him.

    • I’m out of league here. Too much brain power on diyspal!

    • Whoever edits and publishes these articles really knows what they’re doing.

  9. I have a theory. simply astorlogy. if u carefuly look at the feminine signs u will certainly see them in the people that have those signs. easy. whether is men or women. u will notice extra feminine women and less masculine men in the signs that are masculine its a strange phenomenon but it is true. very weird so this whole discussion is pointless…u are doomed by birth. u are either of masculine energy or feminine depending when you were born..out of ur hands people.. goodbye

  10. Im so sick of hearing this b.s. about how foreign women are prettier and more “feminine” than American women. Being some whore out for a green card doesnt make one feminine , it makes them someone who uses feminine wiles to take advantage of stupidstupid arrogant men who only think with their Johnsons. The only reason why some American guys go the mail order bride route is because no American gal in her right mind will have him because he is such a domineering jerk. Those guys are the delusional 5s who think they are entitled to 10s. So, if a guy get a scammed by those mail order bride agencies then it’s their own fault for being such male chauvenist pigs.

  11. it’s funny how men think women are the “weaker sex”. Have you seen lionesses hunting? They’ll rip your throat out in seconds– just like how I want to rip out most of these commenters throats. Feminism isn’t about pitting ourselves against men, it’s about acknowledging that we ARE meant to be equal. Not treated like objects for you to covet.
    Polarizing gender roles are bad, you fuckwit. Overlap between masculine and feminine is natural and healthy, and we all have a little of both inside us. We are in fact meant to live in a way that strikes a balance.
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to teach more men that women were never meant to be submissive to them and that if they don’t like that, they can go find a time machine and take it back to 1600.

  12. Another one in a bloody fantasy world.

  13. How can you take yourself so seriously, your rants about how women should and should not be. Have you ever, for one day, BEEN a woman? You think you are highly intelligent. Your words are empty.

  14. A really intelligent and thoughtful act would be to simply ask American women why they behave the way they do. There’s a reason.

  15. Lastly, once you squeeze a human baby out of your vagina and experience all that entails that life altering event, while still being expected to keep up your looks for superficial moronic hyper-males like yourself, everyone will take your opinion more seriously.

    Life is hard. But I am a happy American woman, most of the time. I feel sorry for you that you are seemingly so unhappy, in spite of all you Maverickness”.

  16. Ah, sorry. I said I was done. I read some more about you. And now I realize what your real issue is. You never fit in here. You always felt the outsider. Likely, your issues lie less with American women, per se, and more with American men who you felt inferior to. Unable to win the girl, understand the cultural nuances of courtship here. This must be true, why else would you continue to obssesively write about how terrible Americam women are even after you are far away from them in your land of fruitful sex with supremely feminine women?

  17. I’ve come to the very tough realization that the feminist movement has wreaked havoc on society, creating a gender less boring world and a war of the sexes. It brainwashed me into having less respect and fear of men, obsession with getting a career as my identity, becoming cold and defensive, and feeling victimized. It is incredibly shocking to finally see the light. I am a completely different person since becoming learning how to embody my feminine essence. It is an incredible gift to the world, a different kind of power than masculine power, and getting in touch with it I see how it is sorely lacking in modern societies.

  18. What happened to just falling in love with a good person? All the other stuff is just superficial, in the end we will only be loved for the best in us. Not our personalities, careers​, education these are the things we hide behind. We need to learn to define ourselves from a higher perspective not just in what the world tells us we should be. Femininity and musculinity should be equal just like everyone is created equal in spirit… We should love each more for our differences​ that is the point of being male and female, it shouldn’t​ be a battle.

  19. Thank you for writing this. I agreed with every single aspect of it. I take huge pride in being very feminine, and I absolutely love it when men show chivalry towards me. For instance if he lets me through the door first, I always smile and thank him. I was born in an Eastern European country but left when I was a baby and grew up in a western country that’s huge on equality. A country where I sometimes don’t know who’s the man and who’s the woman. However, the western values have never been able to completely erase my European roots and I always instinctively resisted feminism. I may have a career, but my ultimate pride would be to settle down with a loving and protective man and have kids. I’d throw away my career in a blink for that. It’s fine to have a job, but it’s not really what speaks to my heart.

    • Most women feel the way you do. I liked making money but my heart was never in it. I was meant to be a wife and mother.

  20. I’m just 18 but there don’t seem to be any men out there looking to protect me or love me, just hurt me and leave me down. I don’t really know what to do, I’m America but was raised with very traditional values, but with no men out there to fulfill there hald, nothing looks very hopeful ????

    • Try Christian men. Not all are equal and you have to weed them out too but you may have a better chance. I felt the same way 35 years ago.

  21. At the end of the day, a woman has to submit to a man in order to have sex. There is no such thing as equality during sex. No matter how strong, powerful, or independent a woman is, she still has to submit and spread her legs for a man in order to have sex. There is simply no way to reconcile this with feminist agenda.

    Nature never intended the sexes to be equal, or even to share the same roles. Nature gave men and women very distinct roles in order to ensure the survival of the species. We have been programmed, both men and women, through the evolutionary process, to fulfill those roles.

    The problem is that now we think we know better than what nature intended. We think that we are so smart and advanced that we no longer really need any distinction between men and women, that human society should cast off the chains of evolution and be composed entirely of androgynous, cerebral beings.

    To this end, men are shamed for masculine traits. Effeminate, docile men are promoted over their more masculine counterparts. Women are encourage to seek power, be it personal or otherwise, in favor of seeking a mate.

    But in our quest for egalitarianism, we have overlooked an important detail: that our biology, our primal instincts, if you will, are now at ends with our social ideals. This conflict creates a great deal of friction in the relations between men and woman. Where there was once harmony there is now discord. As men and women now perform the same roles and occupy the same niches in society, they often perceive each other in an adversarial light. Everything becomes a contest to see who can win the position, the argument, or the game. This, of course, is what men have been bred to do for millennia: to compete with their adversaries. For women, on the other hand, these are uncharted waters, as evidenced by the fact that men, used to competing with other men, are often baffled as to how to deal with these “new modern women”.

    Ultimately, both sexes lose. Men bemoan the loss of feminine women. Woman’s gains of power become empty banners of progress, as they devalue the importance of human relationships and women’s traditional roles.

    I think we should all take some time to think about why exactly we have become the enemy of our natural selves. There is a wisdom in our “primitive” natural selves, and we should respect it and not deny it. We should work within the constructs of our evolution. We should not consider ourselves so apart from nature that our principals are shaped by an abstract idealism with no basis in reality. We are a part of the natural world, like it or not, and our happiness, to a great degree, is predicated upon working from within it.

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